case closed

Tonight I went with my friend to see Disturbia. For some reason, we thought it was a good idea, for two people, who both live alone, to go see this movie. We survived, it was suspenseful and creepy, but I think I will sleep okay tonight. However, I learned a valuable lesson about spying on my neighbors and I highly recommend that my mother go see it right away. So, in an attempt to not find myself killed, I have the following to say to my neighbor:

Dear Pirate Neighbor,

I am aware that you have either been stealing my electricity, or using the outdoor outlet that costs me nothing for some strange and unidentified reason. I realize this. I used to be concerned. I want you to know that I do not care what you are doing, why, or who else is involved. Please continue to take electricity...take all you need. If you would like, you may plug more orange extension cords right from my apt. In fact, I have one that is available close to the front door that you are welcome to. It is one of those that the light switch needs to be turned on for them to work. I will leave that switch on, so as to never inconvenience you. I don't even need to know why your minivan only has front seats....doesn't even bother me. I haven't even thought about it in weeks. Feel free to continue to be as creepy and elusive as you feel you need to be, and I will continue to look the other way and be oblivious to the fact that you may have caused a 4 hour power outage a few weeks back. When I walk by, I will no longer take stock as to what is on your balcony, and ponder on the fact that I have NEVER seen a light on in your apt. Your business is just that - your business.

Thanks for being my neighbor, and I hope that we can continue this relationship of complete ignorance for years to come.

~Your anonymous neighbor and friend.